Ex Machina (2015)
Directed by Alex Garland
This movie gets 2 stars, both for the soundtrack.
Ex Machina starts off with a geeky looking version of Daniel Craig getting on a helicopter and flying to a concrete tech mansion in the middle of the wilderness, wilderness unparalleled in beauty by anything other than nature.
When he gets there, a guy that looks and acts like Dan Bilzerian (minus the orgies and guns) greets him. I know that when you take those attributes off Dan it seems like there might be nothing left, but if you watch this movie you will see there is a tiny bit more substance to his character; raging alcoholism, chauvinism, arrogance and weight lifting pursuits. Dan Bilzerian is the owner of a massive enterprise equivalent to Google. He wants the geeky dude to test out his new robot, Ava, to see if she has AI: artificial intelligence. He has 7 days to do it.
It turns out that despite being half human, half robot, Ava is sexy as fuck.* I hate sexy robots. I have never seen one in real life so I am left to conclude that sexy robots are just a Hollywood construct, and I hate getting spoon fed cliches.
*I was watching this movie with two guys and when I asked them if they would have sex with her, both didn't answer. And when a guy doesn't answer, you know what that means...
Moving right along. Geeky Daniel Craig is allowed to hang out with Ava once a day, and he can also watch her on the CCTV footage. It's a stalkers dream. Can you see where this is going? Oh come on... Give the scriptwriters more credit...There is at least one great twist, I'll spoil it for you soon.
Geeky Daniel Craig has the hots for Ava after one measly conversation, and strangely (for a robot) she appears to feel the same way when BAM! Power outage.
The whole place is set up like a high security gaol with swipe access for every single door. When the power goes down, all the doors go into lock down. And get this! Ava tells Daniel Craig not to trust Dan Bilzerian. The plot thickens.
Apparently Dan Bilzerian can't see what happens during the power outages, he tells Dan Craig over dinner... BUT no one buys that for a second! Right? Am I right?
After the third conversation between Dan C and Ava, the sparks are really flying. I wasn’t really paying that much attention because Instagram was more interesting than this sappy interlude, but I think that he was watching her shave her machiney legs on the CCTV or something. And then they kissed IRL, if you can call it REAL LIFE, because… she isn’t actually alive. OR IS SHE? I don’t know… just spicing up the storyline, because you could get really philosophical if you wanted to make this thing more deep.
There is another hot robot, who is actually covered in skin, has hair and looks completely human. I actually think it might have been a human acting like a robot, but not making so many jerky robotic actions, much more natural looking. Here she is.
Dan Bilzerian makes a joke about she gets him up in the morning. This is the kind of comedy gold you can expect from this film. Actually you can’t. Apart from this, there was only one other joke, and it was funny. I will leave you in suspense.
Back to the infererence about having sex with the robots. Bilzerian is, and he tells Dan Craig that he has even designed the robots to get pleasure from intercourse. Unfortunately, we don’t get an X rated sex scene between our two love story protagonists.
On Day 6, Bilzerian mentions in passing that he is going to succeed Ava with a new model. This involves downloading her brain and reformatting it, removing her existing memories, and giving her a new name. WELL. Dan Craig seems to be a bit upset about this. It turns out that both of his parents died in a car crash. But to make it worse, he was in the back and saw the whole thing. On top of that, he is single and has no friends.
The final conversation: Ava is not only hot, but surprise! she is also smart; she knows that she is going to get turned off (which is so ironic, because she has been turning Dan Craig on for hours.) When the power goes out, her and Dan Craig make a plan to escape together later that night. Dan Craig is going to get Dan Bilzerian drunk, steal his access card and reprogram the doors so that they open, instead of lock, during a power outage. TWIST. Ava has a superpower and she is the one controlling the power outages! YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING!!
BUT. Dan Bilzerian has put a secret battery operated camera in the room, and he hears this conversation. When Dan Craig tries to get him drunk, he plays him the footage and makes him feel stupid. Dan Bilzerian says that the true test of AI is to use humans to escape, and she is just using Dan Craig. But Dan Craig knows they are actually in love.
NEXT MINUTE! Power outage….. and….TWIST. Dan Craig had actually stolen the key card the night before, and reprogrammed the computers. AND TWIST. It turns out that Dan Bilzerian couldn’t actually watch them during the power outages, which is why he put a battery operated one in there in the first place.
Getting back to the action, the robots are out! Dan Bilzerian goes running to try and lock them back up. A fight ensues, Ava loses an arm, but the two hot robots stab him with a knife; and the stabbing action comes with surreal sci-fi noises. Then Ava goes into the robot cupboard, puts on a new arm, covers her body with skin and gets dressed in sexy clothes. She walks out looking smoking hot. Dan Craig is quivering with hormones when the door in front of him suddenly closes. Even though all the doors are meant to be unlocked, this one is magically locked, and he can’t get out.
He watches Ava walk out the front door, look at him coldly, and get on the chopper that has come to take Dan Craig back to civilisation. And presumedly, Dan Craig starves from food or oxygen in his concrete room.
On another note. The soundtrack was really good. It was by Geoff Barrow from Portishead and Ben Salisbury. It’s not as good as the Dark Knight which I listen to when I am driving around in my fully sick Holden Cruz. But it’s the best thing about this film.